Christmas

Christmas is always my favorite time of the year.  Stressful sure, but it seems like it brings out the good in everyone.  Christmas songs start playing in October while I decorate the house. I plan Christmas parties for all and I love it! 

Well, this year is a bit different for me.  When we started on this adoption journey, I was set on having our baby girl home for Christmas.  With hope from our adoption worker, we felt like this was a real possibility.  As it is now December the 23rd, that hope is looking dimmer and dimmer.  It is not easy for me to come to terms with this.  This is not what I had dreamed and what I had imagined our Christmas would be like. We were supposed to be family of 4.  We were supposed to be celebrating a new addition to our family, but instead we have an empty stocking and an empty room.

This is not what it was supposed to be!    

In my sorrow, I remembered a blog that I read not too long ago.  It was from another adoptive mother.  She said how she longed to be the first one to hold her son and would have loved to be there for him those first few days, but if that it was his mother needed to let him go than that is fine.  She would have the rest of her life with her son.  She closes with this, "I may have missed the beginning, but I’m here for the rest of forever. And if I could only have one–I’d choose forever every time."

I am trying to remember that this year.  This Christmas could be the Christmas that my daughter needs to be with her family, either biological or foster.  She might need this Christmas with them.  They might need this Christmas with her in order to let her go.  As much pain as I am in, I will be able to spend the rest of my life with my daughter.  If I had to choose between this Christmas and forever, I choose forever.   If they need one last Christmas with her than I will try to be ok with that.  I am not there yet, but I am working on it.

Merry Christmas 

Q and A

I do not have the answers to all questions but here is what I have.

 

1) where will you be adopting from? 

We will be adopting through the state. We worked through a state agency to start with and have since changed to another state agency.

 

2) does that mean you are fostering? 

 

Well, yes and no. We are only open to children whose parental rights have already been terminated and family members have not stepped up. However it is a state law that you must foster for 90 days prior to being eligible for adoption. So yes and no is the best answer I got.

 

3) girl/ boy and what age? 

We have said we are open to girls age 0-4. However this mommy heart might not be able to say no to any child.

 

4) when will this happen? 

Your guess is as good as mine. We are already approved for our county and are at state for state wide approval now. So basically we could get a call tomorrow or next year. There is no timeline and that is really stressing me out.

 

5) What will her name be?

Well, much of this answer depends on how old she will be.  She might be too old that it does not make sense to change her name.  We would like her to want our last name, but that will be her choice.  M calls her "Sweety Bubbles".  So that is what she is known as around the house. 

That is about all of the questions I have answers to at this moment, but stay tuned.

A Little Update

In the past 2 years I have not posted one single time on the blog, but I have accomplished a lot both personally and professionally.

March 2013 I accepted a transfer into the recruiting office at my company. This puts me in a role where I can grow and in a field that I love.

May 2013 I graduated with my MBA. I would never have accomplished this without my amazing husband who supported me the whole way. It might not have been with a 4.0 but I did it and am so glad I did.

June 2013 I was asked to become the district president for my sorority. It is a two year term. I started in July and am working with 11 alumnae chapters in two states.

December 2013 I passed The PHR certification test.  This really helps me stand out in my job and prepare me for the next job.  So yes I finally have initials after my name.

Last month I was nominated to serve on the local HR board. The elections will be next month but this shows how my name is getting out in the community.  This is very exciting.

Life is good. Life is really good. BUT. Something is still missing.

I made my list of goals and the only one I have not checked off is expanding my family. We put this off while I was in school. It was just a little too crazy. Once I finished school we were not on the same page.   See, expanding the family for us is not as easy as some.  We knew after the first pregnancy that we would not grow our family through traditional means.

March 2014 I asked B if he was ready and he was. He asked about me and my answer was I am ready for the next step.

I think it is easy to get caught up in the end result and not what is here and now.  We decided at that point that we would start on our adoption journey and when God told us to stop we would stop. I have a different philosophy than most on this.  Most say they will move when God says move. I say I will do what God asks and if he wants me to stop then I'll stop. See God has called us to help the orphans. Why do we need Him to tell us again.  

In March we started taking an adoption class for 10 weeks. We graduated in June. Had the final home study September 12th and are officially on the waiting list.

Mission bring home Baby!